From then on, he had a new game.
Figure game.
The live-action version.
..
However, not a single figure truly satisfied him.
None.
..
That girl on the run, a brown-haired girl, looked at him; his green eyes held panic and confusion, but no fear.
Why aren't you afraid?
He asked.
There are too many people in this world who fear him, so many that he does not even want to list them one by one—because there is no point.
The people he killed feared him, but they did not even dare to seek him out in their dreams; the people he skinned and dismembered feared him, their delicate faces twisted in agony, but their curses and pleas for mercy could not avert their death; his subordinates feared him, but they did not dare to defy him; even his brother feared him.
But that idiot could only repeat those useless admonitions over and over again.
How ridiculous.
"Is there any point in me being afraid?" the Green-eyed girl [male] asked him in return.
I'm not afraid," she said, seemingly to him, yet also as if comforting himself. "I'm not afraid.. Death is nothing to fear.
He looked at her curiously, casually gesturing for her to sit down, asked her the reason in a gentle tone.
It was as if he were merely an ordinary, kind old man.
Even though everyone knew that he had nothing to do with being kind or benevolent.
The Girl lowered her head in silence.
Her Voice was muffled, it was hard to tell if she was suppressing something.
Actually, at first.. I was very scared—who isn't afraid of death.. The Green-eyed girl forced a smile, but it was a very unsightly one. I didn't want to die either.
But.. I have no choice.
As these words were spoken, the Girl finally raised her head.
Her smile was truly ugly.. even uglier than her crying.
I might not be able to live much longer anyway.. Even if I'm on the run, there's no telling when the Organization might catch me and bring me back—as it is, I'm just living day by day.
But.. if I go to my death.. if it's like this..
Her green eyes gradually grew deep, she lowered her head, laughing softly as the confusion and unease in her gaze slowly transformed into determination.
She was merely a young girl in her early twenties, having not yet seen enough of this world, having not yet confessed her feelings to the person she loved, having not yet given a serious thank you to her parents, having not yet had the chance to say to her beloved Sister, "Be good."
She hadn't even had the chance to buy a huge pile of her favorite Nama chocolate to lie on her bed, watch TV, listen to music, eat all day; she hadn't even had the chance to go with her Friend to watch "childish" anime, or to go shopping with her Parents and pick out a new car—she had plenty of money, after all, she hadn't even taken her Sister to Ginza to buy a huge amount of clothes and accessories.
She hasn't even had the chance to raise a cat yet, then laugh out loud under her Friend's dissatisfied gaze.
She hadn't even asked him, "Do you like me? It's okay if you don't, but can we be best friends forever?"
She has not yet put on her backpack and taken her camera to travel around the world.
She has not yet seen her Sister meet a Boy she likes, get married, have children.
He has not yet seen the sight of his Parents with hair as white as snow.
How could she not be afraid?
How could she bear to die?
But.. but..
She finally suppressed the turmoil of anxiety and confusion within her heart.
If someone must die.. I would rather it be me instead of Gin.
Speaking of which, the green-eyed girl was pretending to be cheerful, but I was the one who started this in the first place.. I'll take responsibility for my own actions—though if anyone is to be blamed, it should be the Black Organization; they should take the blame, but what can I do if I can't defeat them?
Actually, if you think about it, it's not that much of a grievance, is it?
He calmed down and spoke slowly, his green eyes shimmering under the light.
“After all.. if they are gone.. if he is gone.." Even just mentioning the possibility made the Brown-haired girl tremble uncontrollably. He took a deep breath. "If.. if they are gone, then what meaning is there in my life, even if I continue to live?"
A world without him.. a world without them.. it would be meaningless to me.
The reason I have endured so much, the reason I have been tortured day and night, the reason I have pretended nothing was wrong despite being unable to control myself.. the reason I still persist, clinging to life in this lingering state—
—It was them who gave me the courage to live.
He is gone; why should I bother living?
My life has been destroyed, the world in my eyes no longer exists; why should I even bother living?
He said with a smile, his voice firm.
..
In that instant, he almost wanted to gouge out the eyes of the girl opposite him.
It was too bright, too.. beautiful.
What a pity, he thought.
What a pity, it wasn't White.
However, in the very next second, he burst into hearty laughter.
..
He burst into laughter.
You're going to die," he declared. "You're going to die very soon.
The green-eyed girl took a deep breath, anger staining his eyes, as she struggled to restrain his emotions and prevent them from breaking through his rationality.
I know," she replied coldly. "So?
What a pity. He seemed to calm down, his eyes carrying an indescribable meaning, appearing to be pity, or perhaps a Sigh: You are going to die.
His tone was quite sincere.
In the next second, he burst into loud, unrestrained laughter once again.
He laughed so intensely that physiological tears fell from the corners of his eyes.
"So happy.. you're going to die," he said, laughing and crying at the same time.
The Brown-haired girl looked at him as if she were looking at a madman.
..
How happy.. you are going to die.
You will die for the one you love, your death can save the one you love.
How happy.
Unlike me.. I can only watch helplessly, only listen blankly.
Helpless.
A failure at everything.
I once said that I would protect you. But I can do nothing.
You are right.
I am too weak; I can do nothing.
..
He finally, finally understood everything.
From beginning to end, from start to finish, there was only one fact he was unwilling to accept.
—The fact that the Silver-haired girl is already dead.
He was his everything; she gave him everything.
His death also took everything from him.
No matter how many people he killed, no matter how many things he did, no matter how much wealth he possessed, in the Riri Yeye following the death of the Silver-haired girl, he could not suppress the ever-expanding void in his chest.
He died, with him, his heart died too.
No matter how spectacular this world becomes, to him, it is nothing more than a stagnant pool of dead water.
No matter how colorful the world becomes, to him, it remains nothing but stark black and white.
From then on, there would be no more spring.
His spring had already vanished in the biting North wind of Siberia.
The North wind was biting and piercing, a sleepless chill that raged day and night without respite.
He finally closed his eyes and burst into a shrill, painful laughter.
Each laugh sounded like a cry of blood.
..
“If you still exist in this world, then no matter what kind of world it is, it will be meaningful to me. But if you are gone, no matter how good this world is, it will be nothing but a desert in my eyes, I will be like a lonely, wandering ghost.”
He sat by the Silver-haired girl's coffin, holding an exquisite collector's edition of Wuthering Heights. With a low, hoarse voice, he slowly read the words from the book.
And slowly revealing his inner thoughts.
His gaze was calm to the point of being indifferent, that once volcanic, magma-like madness now sealed beneath layers of ice. His eyes were sharp, as if they could slice through all things in the world and tear through any obstacle.
Even if the obstacle was life and death.
He reached out his hand, touching the Silver-haired girl's cheek gently for the first time.
A cold cheek.