Shiratori blinked her eyes, feeling a sense of envy mixed with a hint of trepidation.
Until that rainy night—
The brown-haired boy did not know what he was thinking at that time, but he had actually rushed forward so recklessly.
It was as if a fire had ignited in her heart, consuming all her reason and driving her to act in a way that even she found maddening.
But she did not regret it.
By the way, compared to that youth she looked up to, it was the youth in the rain who truly gave his the courage to approach him.
..
Eight,
Not everyone liked this youth.
Even though he was handsome, powerful, had a great personality.. through the lens of a biased Midori, she simply could not understand why anyone wouldn't like him.
Many people were jealous of him, many people hated him.
But Shiratori Midori liked her.
She wanted to be closer to him, just a little bit closer.
What a silly little girl.
Many people evaluated her this way, they began to dislike her as well.
But the little girl did not care.
Because the youth's eyes finally looked at him.
..
9.
In the beginning, the youth was very disdainful of him, treating his as if she were a piece of sticky candy he couldn't shake off.
However, later on, he also began to gradually accept her.
Perhaps it was because Midori had always followed in his footsteps?
However, every time she thought back on those things, Shiratori Midori would feel fortunate.
It's a good thing they were both still young back then; otherwise, with Gin's current temperament, she would never have accepted it, right?
Although Gin's personality was a bit cold back then, compared to her self a few years later, she was practically gentle and soft-hearted, alright!
..
Ten.
Shiratori Midori's talent is outstanding. The Black Organization has gradually begun to take notice of her.
Although she couldn't compare to Gin, she was only just unable to compare to Gin.
Otherwise, she wouldn't be able to keep up with Gin's pace, it would be even more impossible for her to be recognized by him.
Thinking about it this way, Companions are truly difficult to deal with!
"But it's mine now, regardless!" Shiratori Midori thought happily.
..
Eleven,
Later, Shiratori thought that it truly was the best period of her life.
Those things hidden in the darkness, things that others might not believe, were real, they were things that could grant her courage whenever she recalled them.
They once laughed together, huddled together and encouraging one another in the darkness, exerted every ounce of their strength to protect each other when their lives hung in the balance during a Mission.
She had once gripped his hand so tightly, crying and begging him not to die; she had also once teased him playfully, showing no fear of the cold expression that others found so intimidating.
He once showed her a casual, lazy expression, yet a hint of relaxed and joyful laughter flickered in his eyes; he had even teased her with a Pocky stick, looking nothing like the Gin that outsiders perceived.
Whether they were cold, rational, ruthless when on a Mission or not, at the end of the day, they were nothing more than two youths.
They would also cry, laugh, break down, feel powerless.
It wasn't that he wouldn't later become an armored figure, impervious to all toxins.
Gin remembered the look in Shiratori's eyes when she asked him about her future decisions—a look of absolute trust, as if she were placing everything in her hands.
Shiratori also remembered how, when she watched Gin leave, feeling a sense of loss as she gazed at her retreating figure, he had turned back as if sensing her gaze, curling her lips into a faint, pure smile just for her.
..
Twelve.
The so-called evidence of tenderness that has been glimpsed is merely one ten-thousandth; in secluded corners, there are many more romantic secrets.
People speculate about what is real or fake and do not believe in fate, but I have long since arranged him into every remaining moment of my life.
..
Twelve.
Shiratori felt that she could hardly bear it anymore.
The twenty-year-old girl had already grown into a graceful figure, with clear and bright eyes and a face that could be described as delicate and sweet; her strength had also already been recognized.
Shiratori had always possessed great self-awareness; she would never claim to be stronger than Gin—she was still a long way behind her Companion!
But she would not underestimate herself either.
Few among her peers could match her, among the New Cadres, she was the strongest; in terms of ability, she was second to none.
She had gone from being someone who looked up to Gin to being someone others looked up to.
Even Gin knew that although she acted nonchalant and playful in front of him, as if she would let him do as he pleased, she was always reliable in front of others.
She was well aware of Shiratori's strength.
Gin trusted her—not just her as a person, but her strength as well.
However, she had overestimated her own endurance.
Missions in one's teens were incomparable to missions in one's twenties; the missions assigned to a "talented member" and the "most outstanding person among the New Cadre" were equally worlds apart.
The difficulty was just as extreme, as was the level of bloodshed.
She thought she could handle it; after all, she had endured so much for so long.
But when she actually went through with it, she realized that it had ultimately exceeded the limits of her endurance.
The twenty-year-old girl struggled between guilt and the will to survive, unable to find relief.
Sometimes, she would feel very envious of Gin; Gin never obsessed over such things—things that were "useless" in her eyes.
Shiratori felt faintly that this wasn't right.. but she couldn't say why.
Moreover, this would indeed allow her to live a better life.
..
Thirteen.
She felt as if she were in the deep ocean, tossing and turning amidst the waves; every time she wanted to give up and end it all, she still struggled; every time she wanted to live well, she could not see the shore.
It was as if she were in a muddy swamp, unable to see any light; a profound sense of hopelessness and fear filled her heart, leaving her with no choice but to watch herself slowly sink.
Whether it was cries for help or screams, no one could hear them.
The scent of blood, mud, dampness, rot.. On the surface, everything seemed normal, but inside, it had already decayed; she could even smell the nauseating stench coming from her own body.
Like a lotus blooming in sewage, no matter how pure and beautiful it may be, it cannot overcome the rot at its roots.
At times like these, being awake is always more painful than sinking into depravity.
Because when you are sinking into depravity, you become one with the sin, no longer feel the filth surrounding you.
But if you are awake, you can only watch helplessly as you fall into the trap, struggling in agony, while clearly realizing your own powerlessness.
Sometimes Shiratori would think that perhaps it would be better if she weren't so lucid, perhaps if she could just abandon her heart.
But she couldn't do it.
She could only watch herself change with clear eyes.
So she could only watch helplessly as she sank.
She suddenly felt a chill, as if it were seeping in from the outside, yet also as if it were emanating from within her heart.
Shiratori looked blankly out the window, only to realize that it had started to snow.
【The snow in the mirror grew increasingly dazzling, looking just like burning flames】(2)
..
Fourteen,
It was a desperate one-way street.
It wasn't until she had walked further and further away that she suddenly realized she could no longer turn back.
Many things had already changed, they would never return to how they once were.
That little girl with twin tails was someone she had to kill from the moment she received her codename, but she discovered to her horror that she could not kill her; she existed deep within her heart, preventing her own heart from dying.
Thus, the struggle grew even more intense.
..
Fifteen.
Gin found out.
..
Sixteen,
Shiratori thought with a bitter smile that he always seemed to be able to see through her.
Since his youth, Gin seemed to have always been so capable, so powerful, always able to effortlessly accomplish the things she could not.
From surprise, to trust, finally, to dependence.