Twenty-two,
Midori knew that Gin's cautious personality and his experiences within the Black Organization forced him to be careful, even to the point of appearing paranoid; over all these years, she was the only person he could trust completely.
He wanted to confine himself within a circle, only those who entered that circle could earn his trust.
But unfortunately, he had built the barriers of his circle so high and so thick that no one could get in at all.
And as for himself.. he didn't want to go out.
But this wouldn't do.
Doing this.. will be very exhausting.
If the bowstring remains constantly taut, it will snap.
She thought about it seriously.
She might not need to take the initiative to "love" someone, but at the very least, Midori hoped he could learn to accept the "love" of others.
To try, to establish connections with others, to possess feelings for them.
She began to make a decision.
She made a decision that was almost manic.
She knew her thoughts were problematic, she knew her actions were wrong, she knew that her feelings were actually somewhat pathological.
Shiratori feared the Youth would get hurt.
She wanted more people to love her; she wanted him to be able to live a free and easy life; she wanted him to be able to give her heart to someone other than herself.
She wanted him to be happy.
..
Twenty-five,
I will give you everything I can give you.
You must know that there is someone who will never lie to you; in her heart, you are more important than she is herself, she will stay by your side forever.
So—
Do not be afraid.. my youth.
You will not fear loneliness, because you know that you have possessed a very pure love, it will stay with you forever.
You will not be afraid to try and connect with the emotions of others, because you know that no matter what, I am here, my feelings will always be with you. Because you have something to rely on, you do not have to worry about ending up with nothing, so you will try to experience things outside of your "circle."
You also won't be afraid of getting hurt, because you have experienced a heavy and pure love. Therefore, if the love they give you does not reach that level, although you will give your heart, you will never give too much of it, so you will not be hurt.
I hope you can step out of that 'circle' and reach out to others, but you won't get hurt—because with me around, that 'circle' will remain intact, serving as your safe harbor, you can return to it whenever you wish.
My Youth, I hope you can be happy.
I love seeing you in your unique and incomparable state.
..
Twenty-six,
That day, she sat dazed and lost in thought, quietly sitting on the sofa, gazing at the moonlight outside the window.
She felt somewhat lonely, so lonely that.. it made her feel a little less sad for the time being.
Moonlight scattered, Shiratori thought of the youth's beautiful silver hair for no reason at all.
She couldn't help but let a small smile slip, feeling both helpless and amused as she thought: She was clearly a boy, yet he insisted on growing her hair so long; not only did he have to maintain it daily, but it was also such a nuisance during combat.. She really didn't know what to say about her.
Thinking this way, her hollow heart, which seemed as though it could never be filled, seemed to kindle a small flame.
However, for her, even a small flame was nothing more than a moment of warmth.
She did not know just how unsightly her expression was.
While Shiratori Midori was dazing off, she heard a slight movement nearby; she did not turn around until Nana's soft calling reached her ears.
“Sister.”
Shiratori Midori turned her head and stared at her blankly.
It seemed like a long time had passed, yet it also felt as if no time had passed at all, when Shiratori suddenly burst into tears as if she could no longer endure it.
She knew her own abnormality and could also feel Nana's fear—but she could not control it.
Then, her sister gradually forgot her fear amidst her tears, the little girl leaned in, slowly embracing her.
For some reason, Midori spoke up slowly, finally voicing the desires she had long kept buried in her heart.
She hoped Gin could change, could step out of that 'circle', would not be so lonely.
And she also hoped that someone could walk into that "circle."
Shiratori was filled with inner turmoil regarding the latter situation.
No matter what happens in the former case, Gin is not easily injured—because no one ever truly enters the 'circle.' If he fails, he might feel sad or heartbroken, but he will not be truly hurt.
As for the latter.. Shiratori knew very well that only those who truly entered the "circle" possessed the ability to harm her.
But..
No one had entered this 'circle,' which meant that no one had truly gained her trust or recognition; it also meant that there was no one by her side who could accompany her.
Even if he was not lacking people around her, none of them were people he could truly trust.. wouldn't that be a great pity?
Shiratori gave a blank smile, feeling that she was being too greedy.
She couldn't help but tell her young Sister her own requests, but in the end, she did not ask her Sister to do the same.
On one hand, she didn't want her Sister to shoulder too much, on the other hand.
Forget it, both options have their pros and cons.. The only thing she can do is choose the one where the benefits outweigh the drawbacks..
For the road ahead, you must walk it yourself.
My youth.
Shiratori Midori couldn't help but laugh; her heart was filled with peaceful words of blessing.
However—
[This laughter was so clear it was almost sorrowful】(4)
..
Twenty-seven,
"I want to tell you that falling in love is too difficult, but once a Youth falls in love, she will love forever.
"Don't mind the rumors; just keep believing in this love." (5)
Author's Note:
----------------------
(1)(5) Taken from the lyrics of "The Truth is Truth"
(3) Shiratori's situation was not actually at a point where death was inevitable, but the Puzzle acted as a fuse, which, combined with her own psychological issues and mental pressure, caused her to subconsciously give up.
Shiratori truly has mental health issues. Her giving up wasn't because of cowardice, but because she was genuinely ill. Mental illness is not something one can control; just like depression, besides the psychological pressure bringing about physical pain, she had been suppressing her symptoms, but after the Puzzle, her condition worsened, leading to her giving up.
(2)(4) Taken from Kawabata Yasunari's Snow Country
The drink Gin mixed was also called "Snow Country," and it held symbolic meaning; I'll explain that later, as I am too tired right now.
..
Key Point: Shiratori's perspective does not represent a God's-eye view
I worked hard to write this side story from Shiratori's sister's perspective. Many parts of this side story consist of the Shiratori girl's subjective thoughts, so please take note of the distinction.
For example, when she first said that Gin was perfect in every way.. it was clearly through a filtered lens. That guy's strength is indeed real, but her personality is truly terrible. As for her looks, a group of children undergoing grueling training under the Instructor wouldn't pay much attention to the appearance of a child who looks incredibly cool and enviable; only Shiratori would..
The love Shiratori Twenty-five spoke of was not merely romantic love; her feelings for Gin were a complex blend of friendship, romance, faith—a "love" that was both pure and heavy.
This girl's feelings for Gin are beyond doubt, but—that does not mean she is without her own issues.
A reader noticed this before; it was mentioned in the first chapter that she views Gin as her faith (because Gin has always been so powerful), but clearly, this mindset is not right.
Furthermore, her experiences within the Black Organization left Shiratori with few friends and made it difficult for her to communicate with her family; thus, Gin became her spiritual anchor.
However.. the emotions she gave to Gin were far too heavy.. What normal friends could ever have a friendship like that!
This girl's final thoughts were actually somewhat pathological—this was due to her illness; on one hand, she herself sensed something was wrong, but on the other hand, being caught up in the situation, she did not know what was wrong.
Her condition had been fluctuating, part of her final thoughts were due to her illness, but it is worth noting that she was truly a good girl. Even if she felt pain and despair, even if her illness had eventually caused her emotions to become somewhat pathological, she always struggled to exercise restraint, her feelings never harmed anyone and were never aggressive.
Even if her final thoughts had become slightly morbid, they would never harm Gin.
However, part of her arrangement was merely her own subjective view, it would not necessarily unfold according to her expectations.
And.. Gin's emotional path will not follow the expectations of her Twenty-five, just as she thought her parents, her sister, Gin would all be safe if she died; she truly thought too highly of things.
Moreover, her death would deal a devastating blow to Gin.
She gave her world to Gin, hoping that he would be able to live well after her death, but she did not know what Gin's world would become after losing her.
Fortunately, however, her expectations were more than half successful; Gin had indeed changed for the better.
Shiratori is "completing" Gin.
..
This chapter also reveals some of Gin's issues; for specific details, wait for the character analysis of Gin and Shiratori later.
Shiratori's strength is immense. Her talent configuration for combat-related skills rivals Amuro Tooru's, while her intelligence rivals Minami Rena's. She is still young and lacks experience and tempering in certain areas, so do not mistake her for being weak.
[Puzzle] is very important. After seeing this, everyone should have a general idea regarding [Puzzle]. Although this is from Shiratori's perspective, the information concerning [Puzzle] is basically correct. Regarding the character dynamics and the tripartite relationship between the Black Organization, Shiratori, [Puzzle], I will provide a brief description from a god's-eye view during the character analysis.
Including the two options of the "circle".. I will try to write it as clearly as possible, but if you still find it difficult to understand, I will write about it in more detail during the character analysis.
..
The inspiration for the relationship between Shiratori and Gin was drawn from this song.
Truth is Truth
The kisses on the side of the neck, the airplane, the eye contact at the party were all things I deliberately described, but some other parts were different. However, after I finished writing, I realized that many of the lyrics and scenes could be paired together; when everyone listens to the song, they might be able to imagine a music video in their heads.